This is our last night as a family of four.  Big changes headed our way.  I hear people have three kids.  And even survive.  I'm still really scared.  Like really really.  I've been putting off blogging because I am so behind and I have like a bajillion things I want to document before Lambert comes . . . which is tomorrow.  So I guess now is the time to get crack a lackin.

Let's talk about this pregnancy.  It was so so different from my other two.  Besides it being the sickest one by far (oh, you remember all those early posts of barfing and wanting to die for 2 months, right??), I've also had the most pregnancy symptoms.  But I've talked about most of the already, too (the reflux, my sciatic, etc).  What's probably surprised me the most is how fast it went by.  Really, I can't believe it's already here.  I am going to have a baby tomorrow.  My mom commented just a little while ago that Erik and I sure are taking it pretty easy with this baby coming tomorrow.  I responded that it's because neither one of us really thinks it's going to happen.  Having two kids has kept me awfully distracted. We've also stayed super busy and had lots going on to keep time moving along quickly.  I dreaded being pregnant through the summer, but in all honesty, it hasn't been that bad.  The AC, the shaded backyard, the pool, and lots of fans at night have been my friend and kept it mostly bearable.  Oh, I've been uncomfortable.  And I've let everyone know it.  But it's pretty standard uncomfortable that comes with the territory, I think. 

A few more things I want to remember about this time around . . . this little Lamb sits up pretty dang high.  It's been almost impossible to get in any sort of comfortable position while sitting.  His little bum had been perched up high right under my left ribs, with his feet sticking out across me and his toes wedging under my right ribs.  His head is just barely below my belly button.  I feel him so far over on both sides, it's crazy.  He still does this crazy painful thing to my bladder that I can't even explain.  It's the worst the first time I wake up each night to pee.  I literally can't even stand up straight as I walk to the bathroom.  For the first out of at least 4 times.  My record is 7.  Between going to bed at 11 and the boys waking me up at 6:30, I woke up SEVEN times one night to pee.  And quiet little Lambert sure has perked up these last few weeks.  I don't know that he compares to his wild older brothers, but he's definintely livened up from when he first got his name from the Sheepish Lion.  I have also had major contractions, and just about anything will give them to me.  I cannot stand up from the sofa, the floor, the table, anything, without a contraction.  I definitely didn't feel that with the other two.  I feel like there's so much more, but I can't think of it right now.  So anywho . . .

I don't like change, but we've got a lot coming our way!!  It's such a bittersweet thing.  I am terrified.  Have I said that before?  I feel like Sam is prepared as he can be.  He's going to be amazing.  Owen, well, he has no idea what's in store.  And I'm anticipating a rocky couple of weeks with him.  But I'm really excited to meet this little babe who's been hanging out with me for the last 9 months.  I'm ready to get him in my arms and take on this next step.  Which is good.  Since it's coming tomorrow!

Samuel, 5 days old.

Owen, 1 week old. 

30 weeks.  Kind of a significant marker in the pregnancy.  Pretty much, it's gone fast.  Here's what's going on with me right now.  Braxton Hicks like cuh-raaaaaazy!  They come often and I get some pretty strong ones that make me pause.  Nothing painful yet, but certainly uncomfortable.  I have good and bad sciatic days.  One day I can barely walk, stand up, or sit down without wanting to cry, and others it barely even bothers me.  Any signs of reflux are just about gone.  I started on Prevacid several weeks ago and it's been a lifesaver!!  I've been feeling pretty much good and chipper recently.

But this last week I may have hit the downward slope.  I've been mega uncomfortable and so so moody.  I am tired and cranky.  I feel gigantic.  This big belly just seems to be getting more and more in the way, and it bugs me.  I cannot find a position to relax in ever.  My back is killing me.  Lambert sits up pretty high (as did the other two) so it's almost impossible for me to sit without feeling like I'm crushing something.  I swear this kid gets his hands on my bladder, squeezes and twists.  I have never in my life felt the kind of pressure he puts on it!  I still have nasty red splotches on my face that have been there since about 6 weeks.  They move around my lovely little face, and have found a greatly attractive spot under my nose and across the top of my mouth.  Seriously, I'm so ugly.  The weather has been pretty pleasant, but we've had a couple hot days that made me so extra fat and swollen.  And the two little boys I chase after all day wear me out in every way possible.   

Those two little boys have also helped this whole thing go by pretty dang fast, though.  It's crazy how different each pregnancy can be.  Not just the physical part, but having 2 kids while pregnant has been so completely different than having just one.  It's enough to keep me busy and not focusing on the pregnancy so much.  It often seems like I won't feel Lambert all day long until that evening when I'm sitting down on the sofa and taking the time to notice.  But he's definitely starting to take up lots of space and let me know he's there.  Still pretty quiet compared to the other two, and while both Owen and Sam totally loved my left side, Lambert is always on my right.  When I'm sitting, I can now watch my stomach bounce all over the place.  It's pretty fun.  And pretty amazing.  Third time around, and that part still doesn't get old; the miracle of a real live little person inside of me.  So weird. 

Sam continues to talk about and ask about Lambert.  Owen has even picked up on the whole thing a bit, too; as best he can, anyway.  He was sitting next to me one evening on the sofa drinking his milk, when he randomly just patted my tummy and said "Baby in 'ere."  It was the first time he'd ever made any sort of acknowledgement about it, and it came out of nowhere, all on his own.  I thought it was pretty sweet.  O also gets that his old room is now the baby's room.  Every time we go up for nap or bed, he points and tells me, "No Owen's room, dat's Baby room."  One time he did run in there, and ask me, "Where da baby?!" so I reminded him Baby was still in my tummy and he just giggled.

So, I'm also feeling pretty anxious about this THIRD baby deal.  It's just so very strange.  I know I panicked before Owen, too, and wondered what it would be like.  Then it just happens, and that's your new life, and you never look back.  But I'm still pretty much terrified.  Owen has a very different personality from Samuel, who is so independent and carefree, and has always preferred Daddy to me, anyway.  O, on the other hand, is much more needy and demanding.  He loves his Mommy, to say the least, and has a melt down if I dare step out of sight.  I see a lot of changes and adjusting ahead!!  I also know how much I struggle just to stay on top of the basics here at home, and by basic I'm not even including a clean kitchen and having the laundry done.  Plus the boys are on a rotten sleep schedule.  They are both up by 6:45 at the latest.  It kills me.  It makes for crazy long and tiring days.  I swear they need more sleep, but no one else seems to believe me.  If Sam is up that early, I want him in bed at 7.  But that never happens.  Owen at least still naps, so if he's sleeping from 12:30 or 1 until 4, I'm not going to put him to bed at 7 when Sam should be ready.  And I don't think Sam should get to stay up as late as Owen if he isn't napping.  It's just a big mess right now, and it's really taking a toll on me, so I can't even imagine what it's going to be like when we add in being up every 2 hours at night with the baby.  And I don't seem to make easy babies.  I have pretty high maintenance kids.  So that worries me, too. 

But all at the same time, I am very excited to meet this little Lamb and sometimes all I want is to look at his little face and hold him in my arms.  I am looking forward to seeing what he brings to our family.  So far, Samuel and Owen have each brought a very different light into our home.  I am confident Lambert will have his own special place here with all of us. 

Last week was supposed to be my regular OB appointment.  They called 20 minutes before, as I was literally walking out the door with both boys, to cancel.  And the girl was pretty rude about it all.  I have not been happy with Valley OBGYN this time around.  I was majorly bugged.  So I took the boys to IHOP. 

My appointment was rescheduled to this past Thursday.  Lovely 6 pound weight gain.  Wahoo.  I have had some concerns about Lambert being pretty quiet and not so active.  So I mentioned it to the Dr.  That and my super regular Braxton Hicks contractions.  Add that to Dr. having a hard time getting a good heart beat, and they sent me down for an unofficial Non-Stress Test.  (“Un” official since technically it’s too early to do one.  Or something.)  So they hooked me up to a couple fetal monitors.  It’s a pretty cool sound, but it was also very different from the only 2 other times I’ve been hooked up: when I was in labor and Baby was 15 weeks bigger.  I listened to the wump wump and every couple seconds it would sound like someone tapping a microphone.  The technician laughed, “He has the hiccups.”  Sure enough, I pushed on my tummy and with each microphone thump, I felt a jolt.  She also did an ultrasound to check the amniotic fluid levels.  Also perfect.   So everything checked out great.  Greater than great, really.  His heart was perfectly strong and right on track.  The technician showed me the charts and monitorings and explained you could also see Lambert oxygenating which isn’t something you can usually see at 25 weeks.

At this point in the pregnancy, I’m feeling pretty aok!  I actually think with Owen at this same time, I was much more uncomfortable.  My reflux is definitely the worst thing that bothers me, but I got permission to take whatever otc med worked for it.  I get nasty sciatic twinges, too, that sometimes come out of nowhere and so strong that I almost fall over.  But usually I can anticipate it and deal with it.  And I’m almost totally used to Erik making fun of me for whining about “Oy, my sciatic.” 

I am totally in love with Samuel’s interest in baby Lambert.  On the way home from school the other day, Samuel asked if he was really a big brother, and if he would still be a big brother when Lambert came.  So I explained that Sam would always be a big brother, and he would soon have two little brothers.  But Owen would be a little brother and a big brother.  It was cute.  Sam also still thinks it’s funny that the baby is upside down.  I explained that to him after the first official ultrasound, and when he sees my weekly emails with a picture, he always comments on that.  He also pointed and asked what “the big white twisty tube” was.  So I got to explain about his belly button and the umbilical cord.

My favorite so far, though, would have to be the other week when Sam wanted me to lift up my shirt.  It was a bit weird, but I figured, Hey, if he’s that interested . . . Then he took a huge breath, puffed up his cheeks, and came in for a  giant raspberry!  So I pushed him away and laughed, “No way!!”  But Samuel didn’t give up.  He kept trying and insisted, “It will be so funny!  Lambert will like it and he will laugh and laugh.”

Halfway there.  Kind of crazy.  I am still deciding if it went fast or not.  20 more weeks is still a while to go.  August is a long way away.  But right now I think that’s a good thing.  I’m still shaking in my boots thinking about three . . . three BOYS!  I’m also so unbelieveably excited to add another blonde hair blue eyed hooligan to the mix.  It’s going to be so fun.

So the first 20 weeks have been rough.  I haven’t hid that.  Although I’m not throwing up every day (my record is 9 days without!!  But usually its more like every 3 days or so, and that doesn’t count my regular morning vomit every time I brush my teeth) I’m still pretty nauseous on a regular basis.  Food is still mostly gross to me, and smells of any sort knock me over.  I haven’t gained any weight yet, in fact right now I’m less than when I first got pregnant.  I have no doubt that’s going to change fast.  My sciatic is already starting to bug me.  Forget indigestion, I went right to reflux.  Ugh.  And I’m already having braxton hicks contractions.  Isn’t there supposed to be a middle part where I get to enjoy this a bit?  But that sounds a lot more negative than I really feel.  I’m just getting old and fat, and my body sure ain’t what it used to be.  I’m finally feeling what I know is the baby, and I love it.  That seemed to take forever.  I still don’t feel him a lot, and part of that as we discovered in the ultrasound is because my placenta is on top of/in front of the baby.  I’m sure he’ll get moving soon, though. 

Samuel is excited about the baby.  He likes to talk about it and ask questions.  I love that!  It’s so fun to see him so aware and really internalize it.  Sam reminds me almost daily that I’m getting fatter.  Every time I eat he asks if I’m feeding the baby, too.  He also told us tonight at dinner that the baby can see my heart and into my lungs and he sees all the food I swallow.  Before the ultrasound, Samuel was confident he was getting another brother.  I asked what would happen if he got a sister.  He said, “It’s a brother, I know it!”  When I came home from the ultrasound, Samuel was giddy to see the pictures.  He laughed and giggled the whole time I pointed things out to him.  Then we named the baby Lambert. 

So, as far as the ultrasound went, everything looked perfect.  I was so so so anxious about it.  I don’t remember anticipating the ultrasounds nearly as much with either of the other boys.  (Of course I was still excited with them, I just don’t remember it being as intense.)  Baby was being pretty shy and had his legs crossed most of the time.  Thankfully, while she took measurements and such, the technician kept checking back to see if he had exposed himself yet.  After I was really starting to wonder if we would get a peak, we finally got it.  Oh!  We’ve seen that before!!  Lambert also kept his face hidden most of the time.  We would see bits, but never the whole thing.  We poked and prodded and jiggled, but he kept his face nuzzled up to my placenta or tucked into my pelvis.  But he seemed pretty ok in there with his ankles crossed and both arms up, hands tucked behind his head.  Lambert must be getting nice and comfortable for the next 20 weeks.

My poor little boys.  One day I will feel well enough to get off this couch for more than a half hour at a time.  Erik asked me the other night, “How much longer are you going to feel like this?”  I think they’re all pretty done being forgiving and patient.  Well, I’m pretty done puking and feeling like crap all day every day and watching my whole family suffer because of it.  For whatever that’s worth.  Bleh.

Oish, what a long 14 weeks.  Which really has only been 10 based on the weird way they count it.  Still.  Looooooong.  But I’m alive.

So here is the basic run down for the sake of journaling and anyone who might care . . . This is by far the sickest pregnancy I’ve had.  I was pretty sick with Sam and it lasted to 20 weeks, but the first day after school let out for the summer, (this is when I was at Suncrest) I felt so much better.  So I blame a lot of that sick on working full time.  With O, I don’t remember the details (I HATE how much I forget!), but even though I was sick, I do remember it feeling so different from Sam’s pregnancy.  I know I still barfed enough for Sam to learn to stick his head in the toilet and make gagging sounds.  But I was feeling way better at about 14 weeks.  BUT with both of them I also remember already feeling signs of pregnancy when I took this test.  Not this time.  I didn’t feel a thing when I took the test, and still didn’t for two weeks after getting the positive.  I was in such denial about it, I didn’t even tell Erik for almost a week.  But on little Christmas Eve, I got the preggo smack down.  And it got bad fast.  At the beginning of January I finally called my OB to schedule an appointment.  I swear I spent most of January on the sofa or in the bathroom.  It was rough.  My saving grace was that mornings were my best time, and the sick progressed through the day.  I could usually have one barf in the morning, then just one or two during the day.  But by 4, I was done.  That’s usually when I’d take the boys upstairs to play and watch a movie so I could lie in bed until Erik came home.  Evenings were pretty much awful, with at least 3 or 4 more pukes.  By 8 I was taking a unisom and finishing up my gingerale before crawling into bed.  I know I sound pretty dramatic (imagine!) but really, it was a hard hard month for me.  Throw in the fact that Doc highly recommended I go off my meds (which I had already stopped taking when I first found out I was pregnant), and I was not dealing well with any of it.  I am so grateful for my forgiving little boys and so so patient husband.  They’re pretty much amazing. 

Now, at 14 weeks, I am definitely on the turn around.  I haven’t had a worst day in over a week.  I haven’t barfed in a few days.  Amazing.  I just might make it to August afterall.  Today was my second appointment, and again, Doc had a hard time getting the heartbeat on the doppler.  Since we couldn’t last time either, he sent me to the ultrasound technician (instead of just using the old school machine in the room like previously).  We saw that little heart beating nice and strong right away.  Owen saw it, too.   We took a few measurements, and everything checked out perfectly.  The doctor said, “Well that’s just a stubborn baby, does he get that from his parents?”  Ha!  The tech also took a peek between the legs, but couldn’t tell anything yet.  We still got to print out a few pictures, and it was cute to see how excited Samuel was to check them when I showed him after school.  And Owen talked the whole way home about “Baby! Baby!”  Next appointment in 4 more weeks.

39 weeks with baby 2 compared to 38 1/2 weeks with baby 1.  Funny how totally different I look. 

Yesterday I was 4 cm 90% effaced.  Doc expressed surprise at the fact that I wasn’t in labor yet.  {As has every other person I’ve shared these stats with.}  Stripped my membranes, said if that doesn’t send me into labor who knows what will . . . probably pitocin next time I have once again made it another week to my appointment.  Ugh.  I’m seriously thinking about faking contractions, going to the hospital, and refusing to leave until I have a baby.  I couldn’t be more ready for another one of these . . .

Last night Erik tried to “comfort” me by explaining it’s not even my due date yet.  So I cried.  He would have been much better off asking if he could rub my back and touch up my toe nails.  Silly man.

{Wrote this Saturday.  This blog is also my journal, so don’t expect this to be fun or interesting or anything else!  It’s purely for my own selfish purposes.}

So not my most favorite game.  Why do I listen to the doctor and get my hopes up?  I was right.  3 cm and 80% doesn’t mean ANYTHING.  I should know better.  I have braxton hicks like crazy, and lots of cramping.  My hips kill and feel like they’re going to dislocate.  Anything I swallow, prenatals included, gives me indigestion.  I pee 6082 times a day.  I’m bigger than a house, and I’m an emotional disaster.   

But in all honesty, I don’t necessarily know what I’m waiting for because I don’t know what a “real” contraction feels like!  With Samuel, my water broke 2 days after my due date, before any signs of labor (which I found out happens to only 8% of women–so much for hoping the same thing will happen this time.)  I remember driving to the hospital at 2:30 am and telling Erik, “Oh, maybe that was a contraction . . .”  Once checked in and on Pitocin, I only had back labor, which was atrocious.  The nurse said it was because of Sam’s position and the fact that I had lost my amniotic fluid.  I made it for maybe 30 minutes before getting that sacred epidural.

So here I sit, just waiting and waiting and waiting for something to happen.  I am so ready.  Samuel actually talks about the baby regularly, which is really fun.  He reminds me often that he gets to bring a monkey to “Baby Brudder.”  In all reality, I don’t think Sam has a clue what he’s in for.  Hehe.  But, probably niether do I!!  I just know I am so done with this part.  So so so so DONE.

I was 3 cm 80% effaced.  Baby is still sitting super high, which makes me super duper uncomfortable.  Lots of “contractions” but not the ones that are going to do anything.  Blah.  Had a good freak out moment last night, so I took off to Target for almost 2 hours to unwind.  Felt lots better with a renewed sense of optimism by the time I got home.  I love Target.

Today . . . who knows?

Buuut . . . I am 2 cm dilated and 75% effaced.  Who knows, those stats don’t necessarily mean anything.  Doc did tell me when contractions start getting regular to pretty much come right in, since I had a quick 6 hour labor with Samuel (and it was only that long because he wanted to come out waving, so I pushed for 2 1/2 hours).

Still at least 1,872 things left to do and get ready before baby comes.  But I’m thinking 2 weeks tops.  Ack!!